Living Your Mourning
You might tend at a time of mourning to neglect your health because of the little attention you pay to yourself. But you are still working hard: working at mourning, which will demand a lot of your energy.
Be careful to eat reasonably, even if it brings you no pleasure.
Your sleep time may decrease, as may its quality. Compensate for the loss of sleep by resting during the day.
To relieve your inner tensions, you can regularly take some deep breaths, walk, garden, or engage in any other activity that suits you.
Listening to people in mourning has helped to identify the stages they go through. These phases are not necessarily chronological and not everyone experiences all these stages.
Shock: “No it’s not possible... I can’t believe it.” “But I had prepared myself, I knew she was going to die and yet now it has happened, I can’t believe it.”
The anger and rejection: “This is not right, we could have experienced so many more good things...”. “He had just retired...”. “She, who was so good, so generous ... while there are people who are in good health and who think only about themselves».
Sadness: «It’s so hard to be alone...”. “I feel I can sense his presence but he’s no longer there.” “I can’t talk about it any more, it bothers people to whom I tell my stories”.
Acceptance: “I’ll never forget her, but now I go out, I have even made some new friends...”. “I remember all the good things we did together.”
We all experience these emotions in our daily life when we have large and small bereavements to go through. But the loss of a loved one naturally imbues all these emotions with an intensity that is sometimes hard to bear.
This is a time of great external and internal turmoil during which it is good to be able to ask for help. Everyone wants to be brave, but it is also important to make your needs known by expressing your feelings to someone you trust.
It is often a time of great fatigue that expresses itself in many ways, when you can feel more vulnerable, cry easily, exhibit mood swings, or be invaded by the image of the departed.
The first year is recognized as being the most difficult, because every season, every party, every birthday brings back its memories.
With time, after a period that varies depending on people and circumstances, grief will give way to a more or less peaceful acceptance. Often unsuspected resources appear and make it possible to “open up”, to make choices and engage in new ways.
We recommend that you contact your doctor as soon as necessary.
Bereavement is not resolved in solitude. Even though you need those moments, it is important to remain in touch with your surroundings, to continue to interact.
Often these people - more available early in bereavement - will be less so subsequently. Know how to let them know when you want to see them.
It is recommended to avoid making major decisions in haste. Unless it is absolutely necessary, it is best to wait at least a year before making major changes (moving house, changing jobs, selling the house, etc.).
Do not hesitate to seek the opinion of several people, or even that of an expert, before taking an important decision on financial matters..
Spirituality lies well beyond language, a ritual, or a religion ... It is the space within oneself where everyone questions the meaning of their life, their presence in the world, the possibility of transcendence. These issues arise more sharply in times of crisis, and especially when those close to us pass away.
Many people feel that their personal faith, their belonging to a parish or community are an important source of comfort during bereavement. However, faith does not protect from moments of sadness, pain, or even rejection.
For others, however, it can be difficult to refer to God during this period; too many questions, doubts, feelings of abandonment beset them.
These reactions may occur and are consistent with a person’s spiritual evolution. This route is part of the life history of each of us.
A chaplain can bring you a sympathetic ear and support.
Do not hesitate to call him.